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True StoriesPhyllis
Goldberg, Rosemary Lichtman,  What happens when three psychotherapists,
approaching "retirement" age, start brainstorming on what they want to do next?
For Phyllis Goldberg, a marriage and family therapist, Rosemary Lichtman, a psychologist
who focuses on women’s health issues, and Adina Paritzky, a career transitions and
workplace stress specialist, the answer was shaped in part from their own experiences as
women at midlife: all have grown children, aging parents, and were facing career
transitions and physical and emotional changes. Busy with their careers, they were
nonetheless "a little anxious about what retirement would mean," said Rosemary
Lichtman.
The brainstorming sessions, which originally included their spouses -- a cardiologist, a gynecologist, and a plastic surgeon -- and another couple -- a dentist and a nutritionist -- led to a successful workshop presented at a medical conference. Although the group would eventually disband, Goldberg, Lichtman, Paritzky decided to continue their explorations, centering on midlife women. They set up focus groups and began to collect data, a project that continues. They also co-developed a one-day workshop for women of the Boomer generation at the University of California (UCLA) extension program on Lifestyles in Transition. The success of the workshop propelled them in an exciting direction. It also helped them to recognize that they made a good team. Last year, while in the throes of their own personal transitions, they co-founded Her Mentor Center, a new fee-for-service group that offers women mentoring on the phone and by email. A website, www.hermentorcenter.com, launched in January, sends a powerful visual and verbal message to its prospective clients: the midlife transition can be smoother with a supportive mentor/partner. Seeds Are Sown "The first seeds of Her Mentor Center were sown over four years ago during a long flight back from a trip to Hungary and Czechoslovakia," recalled Rosemary Lichtman. "While my husband and I vacationed there, we visited several Jewish communities that were attempting to revitalize their religious heritage and rituals after the twin threats to their existence - World War II and Communism. We talked about getting together a group of friends our age who were talking about retiring, to explore the idea of a mentoring program for these communities. As we later discovered, such a program already existed. But the group decided to work together as a team to develop other activities that we might share once we retired." They dubbed themselves ALITE, with "lifestyles in transition" their focus. "The transition issue came up quite naturally," said Adina Paritzky, "because all of us were at an age when it is unavoidable. We were all thinking about what we were going to do when -- or if -- we quit work. The first idea was to present a workshop on the subject at a forthcoming medical conference in Snowmass -- also a nice way to enjoy a skiing vacation together. We figured the men could talk about various health issues of midlife, and the women would focus on psychological issues and changes. We all knew from our own experience that transition represents change and movement, a state of flux which can be very uncomfortable," Paritzky said. A former professor of English, she has built her practice on career transitions and workplace stress since completing a Ph.D in counseling psychology at UCLA. Successful Navigation When Phyllis Goldberg began to search though the available literature on midlife women, she found the emphasis was on "explaining this period of life rather than on how to navigate it successfully." Her own experience suggested something quite different. "After my children were grown, there was the time and need to develop stronger relationships with other women. We have talked more, spent more time together, shared our stories, encouraged and had a tremendous influence on each other," she said. "What we were doing was a kind of co-mentoring, supporting each other in understanding issues and working through changes." A former social worker, Goldberg is an expert in intergenerational issues. The summer following her return from Europe, Rosemary Lichtman attended the national convention of the American Psychological Association and was impressed with the sessions on coaching and mentoring provided by psychologists. "I knew at once that I wanted to learn more about this area of psychology," she said. "I joined the local Coaching and Mentoring Association and shared my excitement with Adina and Phyllis. We all took courses dealing with coaching and decided that this was something that we could do together. As we continued to train in coaching, we recognized that we were not as interested in executive coaching as we were in mentoring other women our age who were facing the same issues that we were." Over the next year, while presenting the Lifestyle in Transition workshops, the newly formed partnership prepared to mentor women individually. They developed a schedule to interview 50 mid-life women from different backgrounds about issues important to them. Among the objectives of the research: how to recognize and deal with the emotions created by transition; what types of challenges were common; what tools were best to deal with the challenges; what to expect in the transition itself. "U.C.L.A. has offered our workshop for the past two years and the participants have indicated that they found important information, support and feedback from the experience. They requested more opportunities to continue," Lichtman said. "That was very encouraging." "Our interviews of women, the stories they shared at the UCLA seminar, and those we are gathering for the website, all send powerful messages of courage, strength and hope," Phyllis Goldberg said. "They also model the kinds of tools and skills necessary to successfully navigate the midlife transition." Goldberg, Lichtman and Paritzky are also working on a book based on their interviews with midlife women. www.hermentorcenter.com offers mentoring to midlife women in the areas of health, relationships, and careers. A free newsletter, Stepping Stones, is available by email. Mentoring partnerships are set up by appointment. This story will be featured on www.careerjournal.com.
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