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Getting Ready
for the Endgame
Hugh R. Leavell, Ph.D
I’m sure I probably read more than I
should. Anything can be taken to excess. I should spend more time sitting
around thinking for myself but I guess I’m too lazy. That seems like hard
work compared with reading the thoughts of others. Anyway, smarter people
than I have already figured out a lot of what puzzles us so why shouldn’t I
take advantage of that? The wheel has already been invented so who am I to
belabor the point? Take the issue of the life worth living. What is the best
way to live?
Just about every philosopher who ever
lived has taken a crack at that one. From Plato and Buddha through Mother
Angelica and Dr. Phil, they all have their theories. Lately, believe it or
not, I’ve been reading Schopenhauer who says it again: It’s what a man is
that determines his degree of satisfaction in life, not what he has.
Of course, this applies to women, too, although Arthur didn’t think so. He
was, after all, a 19th century man.
I understand that, in the wake of 9-11,
many people decided to slack off on the career chase and prioritize other
things. It seems to have caused a mass refocusing. I’m pretty sure this is
yet another baby boomer phenomenon and I’m not sure it’s holding up a few
years later. Materialism has its attractions. But it’s true to say that
people in their forties and fifties are pausing, noticing the finitude of
life, seeing their parents fade away, cresting the hill and looking down the
other side. Maybe they realize that no one, lingering on his deathbed, has
ever been heard to say, “Whoops, I shoulda spent more time at work.”
In India, after one has finished raising
the kids, it is expected that one will change his lifestyle, work less, stop
caring so much about business and money. It’s time to turn to one’s
spiritual development. Having experienced life in the fast lane, one knows
what to turn away from. Money, pressure, acquisitions, competition,
property, status, recognition—these are the stuff of ego, ways we aggrandize
the persona. Having had a taste of them, one understands that they are not
satisfying on the soul level. In fact, preserving all those things,
maintenance and security, is disruptive to the inner life. Strange how the
pursuit of security often brings more insecurity. First you accumulate
wealth; then you worry about losing it. If you get enough of it, then you
can start wondering what your loved ones really value about you, if
anything. With it all comes taxes, insurance, lawsuits, complications,
paperwork, unpleasant relationships and worry. It’s just not relaxing. We
want to rest a little, maybe play more, nourish the Self, hang out with the
family, stop striving.
Part of what makes a complete life is
sharing what you’ve learned with the younger generation. We don’t
necessarily disappear from the fray. We just pass on the day-to-day
operations to the younger group and take on a consultative role. We help
them take the reins. It’s a hand-off type of thing. With our hard-won
experience, we know what works and what doesn’t. We know the useful
attitudes and can convey them. We have the skills and can teach them. We
know how to encompass both success and failure and can point out the
pitfalls and blind alleys along the way. This is valuable info for those who
have wisdom enough to listen. Wait too long though and you’ll find yourself
superannuated, a relic, out of date and out of touch, too feeble and
preoccupied with your health to be much use to anyone.
This is just the natural life cycle
spinning. It doesn’t mean you’re finished, just rounding the clubhouse turn
for the homestretch. What do you do for an encore? This is where we run into
trouble in America. In India (and most other societies) you don’t ask this
question. Here, we’ve expanded life expectancy without developing roles for
older people in the society. We just send them out to pasture. What are you
supposed to do with all that grazing time?
Here’s my answer. Work on your soul. What
does that mean?
Well, for one thing, it means turning your
attention and your effort in a new direction. No longer is it about
accumulating wealth and status. It’s a whole new game. You have the chance
to become wise, enlightened and fulfilled in the sunset phase. It’s about
finding out who you really are, sharing what you’ve learned and being fully
developed and ready when the end comes at last. For more on what to do for
an encore, check out
www.2young2retire.com.
Hugh Leavell is a Marriage and Family
therapist in private practice in Jupiter and West Palm Beach. See
http://www.oneminutetherapist.com/ for more information. This column
first appeared in Hometown News.
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09/25/2006 |
